Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Is it Possible?

Today, I watched an episode of the Biggest Loser and they were talking about pushing limits, breaking barriers, and doing what you think is impossible. They also talked about weight loss being a huge mental battle, that even if the weight comes off, a person who is not healed mentally and emotionally will just put the weight back on. And they talked about putting yourself first.

So I am debating:
  • Is it selfish to make time to exercise?
  • Is it selfish to make sure to eat the right things?
  • What caused my unhealthy lifestyle? And can I fix it?
  • What are my limits? Do I have what it takes to break them and push myself?

I am realizing:
  • It effects my whole family that I am unhealthy. It will help the whole family if I can make the right changes to improve. That is not selfish.
  • I am an example. Will I be a good example of healthy eating and fitness? Or a bad example of poor choices? I know what I want.
  • So what is keeping me from taking action?
What keeps you from taking action?
  • Is it fear? Fear of failure. Fear of others and what they may say. Fear of not fitting in with the crowd. Fear of being proven wrong and admitting past mistakes.
  • Is it shame? Shame for all the poor choices. Shame for not wanting the situation to get this bad. Shame that it is such a struggle to fight temptation and force yourself to work hard.
  • Is it lack of self-worth? Belief that maybe you and I shouldn't have good health. Belief that healthy people are speaking lies or deluding themselves. Belief that since all this other bad stuff has happened, life can't be changed.
  • Is it laziness? Giving in to temptation. Giving into the ease of sitting around doing very little. It is hard. It hurts. Expecting life to improve on it's own without your effort or involvement.
  • Is it excuses? Maybe God planned my life to be this way. Maybe I'm supposed to be unhealthy for some divine purpose. It is my parent's fault for teaching me bad habits and not motivating me. It must be my husband and kids, if they did like I asked, then my life wouldn't be so stressful. If life worked the way it was supposed to, then I wouldn't be this way.
  • Or maybe it is something else.
I continue to struggle. I struggle with food cravings. I struggle with motivation and overcoming obstacles. I struggle with people (what they might think, what food they put in front of me, and what they say that is hurtful.) Life is hard and this doesn't seem like the right time for this journey. But, I can't put it off any longer. I need to fix my life, improve it, and share what I've learned.

I want:
  • to become a health nut (even though I have been internally judged them. I need to become like them.)
  • to overcome obstacles. I need to prove it to myself. I can succeed.
  • to be a good example and live life to the best of my ability.
  • to be proud of myself and my accomplishments.
  • to make my dreams come true.

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